what day is it and did you see me today?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
two words...techno handjob
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
