just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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