i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
