We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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