remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
