well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
