Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
