3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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