Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vagina is officially offended.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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