There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize