unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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