You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
