I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
