guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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