One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
