no, he came in my armpit
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
