chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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