Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
