Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
