i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
