i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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