At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
