my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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