i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
