She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
