Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
