I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
