He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
