I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
