We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
