Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
