You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize