Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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