you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
should my penis look like a turkey
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
