so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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