The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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