I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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