Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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