he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize