My first STD was from a foam party
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I believe in your delicious
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
