i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
