I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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