I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
