if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have demons in me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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