Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
