Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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