Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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