It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
