do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
