I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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