Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
