It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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