Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
