You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
