There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
