Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
