Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
