just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
