So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
