can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
