she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
