Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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