It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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