i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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