I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
