I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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