once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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