You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish you could order shots online.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
